


Shadows

by dhyanshiva



Series: Phoenix [2]
Category: Shubh Mangal Zyada Saavdhan (2020)
Genre: Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Pride, Slow Dancing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-03
Updated: 2020-03-03
Packaged: 2021-02-23 00:40:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23002975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dhyanshiva/pseuds/dhyanshiva
Summary: When all hope seems to be dashed to the ground, can Kartik and Aman emerge victorius? Or is this their last night with one another?
Relationships: Kartik Singh/Aman Tripathi
Series: Phoenix [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1669090
Comments: 22
Kudos: 69





	Shadows

**Author's Note:**

  * For [girlwithpassion](https://archiveofourown.org/users/girlwithpassion/gifts).



> Hello everyone,  
> This standalone piece diverges slightly from the timeline and course of events in the movie. Hope you enjoy reading it! Do leave a kudos and comment to let me know what you think!  
> Lots of love,  
> Dhyan

Kartik shut the door of his room and turned towards the bed, finally allowing the pain and exhaustion to show in his physicality. Memories of beatings and abuse from his father resurfaced in his mind’s eye, and he felt the dam finally break as tears created tracks on his cheeks. Reaching up slowly, he undid the knot of the flag around his neck and let it fall from around his shoulders into a pile on the armchair nearby. He could feel every muscle from his neck to his hamstrings ache in protest and without further resistance, Kartik gave in and fell face first onto the bed, soon falling asleep, despite the turmoil in his mind and heart. The fight had left him. There wasn’t a shadow of doubt left that this was all over.

A few hours later, he was roused by the sound of a soft yet insistent series of knocks on his door. Turning his head slightly, Kartik opened one eye and saw the brilliant light of the moon greet him in the pitch black of the night, a welcome sight in the despair that enveloped him. The soft shadows it cast across the room gave life to the inanimate objects, making him feel a little less alone. The knocks continued and he summoned up a little strength to get up and answer, not knowing who could possibly have to meet him at this time, pulling on a hoodie on the way. Thankfully, a few hours of stillness permitted a wider range of movement now.

Kartik had barely grasped the handle and pulled when a force from the outside did the rest of the work and he felt a warm body envelop him, arms wrapped around his torso. He didn’t even need to look to recognise who it was – only one person could ever infuse so much care and love in their touch for Kartik and that was his Aman. Usually, a hug from him was much tighter but Kartik understood the unspoken. Aman didn’t want to cause him any pain – didn’t he know that was impossible? Smiling softly, Kartik returned the embrace and they stood there in the doorway for a few moments, the relief palpable in both their bodies as the pent-up fear and tension slowly ebbed away. Aman stepped away first and Kartik frowned when he heard the shakiness of his voice.

“K – Kartik, I’m so sorry, I couldn’t bear to see him do that to you and I couldn’t find it in myself to face you afterwards. I just didn’t have the courage –.”

Whatever he was about to say was cut off abruptly by a palm covering his mouth. Looking up, he met the tired yet still bright gaze of his boyfriend who was shaking his head, refusing to let Aman continue. When Kartik was satisfied that there wouldn’t be more of an unnecessary explanation, he pulled away and rested both forearms on Aman’s shoulders. Making sure that eye contact was made, Kartik sought to clarify the misconception. Softly, while enunciating on each word, he made sure the message.

“Let’s get one thing clear here. Aman, you have nothing to apologise for. It’s best that you didn’t stay on my account, I wouldn’t be able to take it had anything happened to you. Secondly, I understand, it’s alright. Anyway’ Kartik smiled, trying to bring that beautiful expression onto Aman’s face too ‘you wouldn’t have gained anything, I slept like Kumbhkaran. Third, you’re the strongest person I know! So what if this was a lapse in courage for you? We’re human, it’s not a crime to trip up. What we’re here for, and _why_ we’re here is unexpected, sure, but the way you’re putting up a fight, for _us_ , for yourself, do you know how much _courage_ that takes?”

By the time he was done saying this, Kartik’s stance had shifted of its own accord and he’d come to be holding Aman in a death grip by his shoulders, expression earnest and pleading. Aman’s heart just couldn’t accommodate any more of this unconditional love. Why couldn’t his family understand this? That which they saw as wrong, a delusion was as pure and blessed as the Ganga that flowed nearby. How dare they? With a resolve he didn’t know he still had, Aman reached across and took his boyfriend’s hand in his own, interlacing their fingers and turning around, stepping outside the room. The request went unsaid, Kartik followed him unquestioningly. When he said he would never leave Aman’s side, he’d meant it. It didn’t make the ordeal of seeing the proceedings for his marriage to Kusum became any easier – if anything, the pain strengthened his resolve. He knew Aman was helpless and today, Shankar Tripathi had almost succeeded in beating the fight out of him too. Almost being the key word. Kartik didn’t know what it was but that nap had relit a spark within him. There was still scope for a miracle. But if things didn’t go as they wanted, then Kartik tried to seek solace in the fact that Aman wouldn’t lose his family – he knew how much these people meant to the love of his life. That being said, just before they’d left his room, Kartik saw the spark in Aman’s eyes too – the new, fiercer kind. That had to mean something, right?

Kartik had gotten so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t realise where Aman had led them to, hands still intertwined. It was a small building that Kartik didn’t recognise but seemed friendly enough. Upon their arrival, Kartik saw a change in Aman – a weight seemed to be lifted off his shoulders. However, he didn’t enter the building, instead going towards the side, merging with the shadows as they climbed a set of stairs, taking them up to the roof. As soon as they reached the top, Kartik recognised where they were and a new warmth flooded through him, his love for the other man making him tear up. Aman loved telling him about this place, his sanctuary. They’d spent countless nights cosied up in the living room talking about nothing of significance and this place had been mentioned quite often. Kartik never thought he’d visit it though – Aman only came here to try and get himself out of a bad place. Well, this predicament certainly qualified as one.

But what touched Kartik was that he was here with him. Of course, they loved each other beyond definition and comprehension but revealing such an intimate part of yourself is another kind of trust and Kartik was beyond honoured to receive it. Looking around, he saw the space through Aman’s eyes. The tranquillity, a sense of being removed from reality, their proximity to the stars. In short, this was perfect. Kartik tended to get lost in his own thoughts and he realised he’d done it again when a soft cough brought him back to the present. At a low volume, the opening lines of ‘Lag Ja Gale’ began to play into the otherwise silent night. There Aman stood, a few feet away, arm outstretched. Kartik smiled softly and accepted the invitation, taking his hand and a step closer till the tips of their shoes touched. Bringing the other hand to his shoulder, Kartik wrapped his arm around Aman’s waist and they danced in silence. Yet, as they held one another, their grips tightened almost simultaneously as the realisation hit them at the same time. This was probably it. The freedom to do this or anything else would be ripped mercilessly out of their hands after this night and there was nothing either of them could do. Thus, they tried to cherish these last few hours, this closeness, this love as much as they could.

The chords for the classic began to fade and Kartik took the chance to say those three words which held as much weight now as he did the first time he’d uttered them. Back then, that declaration was the introduction to a beautiful future and now, it was probably a ‘love you’ in lieu of ‘goodbye’. Yet no matter how much it hurt, the words had to be said. But one quick scan of Aman’s face said ‘wait, not yet’ and Kartik complied. He didn’t want to acknowledge the finality, not yet. So, they danced, on and on, through the playlist of songs, different tongues but all speaking the language of love and loss.

Perhaps an hour so had passed and the daze, the sense of being in their own cocoon faded, bringing the lovers back to reality. Their feet had begun to ache, and they were forced to stop. Kartik in particular was beginning to feel the exhaustion, remnants of pain from his ordeal creeping back into his muscles. Worn down, he took a seat on a lone chair in the corner. Aman stepped forward and came down to crouch in front of him, holding both of Kartik’s hands in his. There were a few beats of silence, then unexpectedly, Kartik’s body began to shake, the dam finally breaking to allow tears to flow unceasingly. Alarmed, Aman’s grip tightened considerably but he didn’t say a word, knowing Kartik needed to let all this hidden pain out – he was finally in a safe enough space to do so.

“I can’t see the love of my life become someone else’s. I just can’t see you leave me. I know we’ll always be one another’s, _soulmates_ , but in the eyes of the world –” He couldn’t even complete the sentence, he was so overwhelmed. Looking up to meet Aman’s heartbroken visage, Kartik continued, “How do they expect us to be happy, to live life? I’ve become a much better person since I met you, you’re my moon, my stars, my _everything_. What happens to someone when their universe ends? Doesn’t that version of them cease to exist? Khatamb, na? I love you too much to lose you, I just -.”

Aman could feel his resolve shattering, the reality that their forever was now just a finite time setting in. Unless some miraculous force of nature turned everything around, it was all out of their hands. Was it really, though? Could he give _his_ everything up? Family was supposed to love you unconditionally, yet with him, it was so clearly not the case. _This_ was worth fighting for. He had nothing to lose and everything to gain. It was his call now – Kartik had fought his battle and it was time for Aman to continue with their war. They wouldn’t lose. Not this, certainly not this, not _life itself_. He lifted his hands to tilt Kartik’s head up, asking him to make eye contact once more. Smiling sadly, he looked into those beautiful eyes and knew he’d chosen right. Come what may, this had to be done. It was time. Bringing their heads together, he murmured softly, his voice low and unwavering.

“No Kartik, you won’t lose me because I’m not leaving. This is their last chance. My family are my world, yes, but you mean the same, if not more, to me. If this world won’t accept us, perhaps it’s time to build one of our own?”

The choked sob that escaped Kartik’s lips and the unbridled joy in his tear glazed eyes was all the confirmation he needed. Swiftly, Aman pulled away and stood up, just as Kartik leapt up and enveloped him in their best hug till date. Laughing deliriously, they clung to one another, the flame of determination and will to triumph burning bright between them. This light was enough to banish any shadows of despair and doubt, once and for all.


End file.
